Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
