...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
