just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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