so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
