Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
