So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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