Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
