omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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