I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
