The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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