i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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