you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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