I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i now understand why vodka
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
