I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
