i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
