I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
