Sober January is a disaster.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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