u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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