If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
