I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
