fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
