Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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