none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
