we're chasing vodka with high fives
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
