he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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