i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
