I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
