I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
