Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm passing your future prison.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
