i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
