I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
