Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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