I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
