I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
