He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
