I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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