I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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