I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
