The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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