I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
