Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
