Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
