easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
