And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
