we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
