my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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