i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
