my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
