you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
