Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
