Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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