Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
