Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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